I have these recurring dreams where I am with a man I really love. In these dreams there are no words and I can rarely see his eyes, but I can sense him with my body and my heart so deeply that when I wake up from these dreams I sometimes start to cry. It is not always the same man, though some do recur. Sometimes the man looks like one or a version of one I’ve known and loved, sometimes it’s a totally new looking person. But what is clear is that they are the same man energetically. And I am so in love with him in the dream!
When I wake up, I walk around feeling very sad to have woken up, and also very grateful to have that experience of deep connected love, even if only in my dreams. Have I ever felt that kind of love energy in my awake life? Not with any man or even any woman. I have felt it dancing and listening to music and something close to it with my son, but that was sweet mother love.
In these dreams there is something sexual, but that is never the point. The point is the place where I merge with these men in a sweet space where my whole self vibrates with them. I wake up with the sensation in my body so strong that I can almost smell it. What I long for when I wake up is not the men per se, but the way I feel and what I sense when I am with them.
I am not sure if this is an experience I will ever have or could have being awake. I wonder, it is my inner male that I sense or some soul mate I have yet to meet or a stand-in for God and my longing for “Him”? (Catholicism dies hard, I may have left it behind, but in these dreams, I feel like St.Theresa of Avila.) Or is it my Neptune Square Mars Trine Jupiter Dreamer Warrior Shaman that calls the masculine to me?
I once had a psychic reader tell me that in this life time I was not going to be with my soul mate because I came here to focus on my creative work and being with my soul mate would be too distracting. While I entertain the idea of nothing getting in the way of my creative life, I also feel like I am with a man whom I deeply love and does feel very Dreamer Warrior Shaman to me. But that sweet dream energy is just not with us very much. In our everyday lives we are busy, we are earthy and we have other things on our minds.
I wonder if what happens in my dreams belongs in the world of deep heart longing of unrequited love. The Troubadors made a career of living like this. Using the women they were courting to court the muse and the pure deep love that cannot be tainted. Tainted by what? Sex? Time? Paying the bills?
I have let go of feeling like I am lacking something when I wake up from these dreams. I have also learned that I can harness that sweet sensation of connection and bring it to my awake life in the same way that I can be inspired by life to create art. Life as art, dreams as inspiration. I am off to sleep. Sweet dreams!