Archive for December, 2015
Are you listening? Chocolate. Not just what it tastes like, but what it feels like melting in my mouth, the texture moving from solid to creamy to liquid. The way the bitter blends with the sweet and the earthy aroma of it as it soothes its way down. The way it feels like I am absorbing it through my inner skin… and then the theobromine high. Ahhhh. For me, eating chocolate was always a very intimate experience, even when I did it with others. The finer the chocolate, the darker the more it took me to that just-me-and-my-shadow bliss that was, well, addictive really. I am no longer eating chocolate but the other day in the middle of Sheila’s Stretvh & Energy class I was blasted by the same sensations. Whoa! As I felt my body opening up, not just physically, but energetically, relaxing into the moment, I felt that chocolate high! And it lasted for much of the rest of the day. I can call on it now.
The combination of Energy Medicine practices and stretches that Sheila has devised and collected are all geared toward strenghtening and lengthening the spine, both energetically and physically. I can feel my body making the same journey from solid to creamy to liquid. We are also working on our auras, or energy fields, becoming aware of them, honing them, expanding our range of sensation. I think this is the most chocolaty part, the part where I feel like I am expandingmy body/mind. There are some stretches that we repeat a few times and there is a feeling of mantra to them. I often find myself in a trance-like state that comes from laser focusing on what is happening inside of me that I forget that there is a world outside of the studio. I am just IN THE HOUSE…
This past week, when the chocolate sensation hit, I realized that several things were coalescing for me during that class. One is the culmination of an exploration around the possibility of bliss without sugar. I have tried unsweetened chocolate, not the same. I literally had moments when I thought maybe there was no point in living if I could not have that bliss sensation I used to get eating chocolate. Not that I was feeling suicidal, but more that I was feeling nothing much. But now I know that is not the case at all. The way I felt during the Stretch/Energy class this felt more real and long lasting than any high I have ever had, yet really grounded. I still feel it now. Even when I am just imagining the stretches, I can feel my body opening up. The other part of this coalescence is the energy piece, the neuropathways that have been opened up through the moving mantras of Energy Medicne are now intact. I can access them at any time with mind, reinforce them with my body and keep my field wide awake. I have done them long enough to feel the effects most of the time. Ah…practice, my best friend. And I need to stay vital and healthy. I am a busy woman.
I heard an interesting thing yesterday around anxiety. When it related to the past, it often shows up as guilt, when it is related to the future, it shows up as worry, and when it related to the present, it shows up as panic. When it show up as panic, it often gets stuck in the psoas muscle and its environs. Here is the article about the Psoas that speaks to this: http://theearthchild.co.za/this-muscle-of-the-soul-may-be-triggering-your-fear-anxiety/
Anxiety can come from real dangers or preceived dangers. Most of us are not currently running away from tigers, but many of us are immersed in an environment of manufactured fear. Not that there aren’t hings to be afraid of, but our ability to deal with perceived threats in a grounded and efficient way is GREATLY hamperd by feeling guilty, worrying or panicking.
This shows up in the mind and the body in ways that are sometimes inexplicable because the part of the brain that is triggered is the reptilian brain which is focused on survival and primal and not thinking clearly. As the flight or flight muscle experiences the fear, the psoas tends to tighten up and causes all kinds of sensations and symptoms that create even more anxiety in the body.
In choosing what to bring into my awareness, it seems like there are more and more scary things to behold and fliter. My animal body wonders, what is the threat level here. What can I do about this to stay safe? What is real here? My mind is pretty good and realizing that there is a lot of hype, and a lot of denial and a lot of misinformation being passed around. Also I know that it is human nature of overdramatize, project and stay in the comfort zone. Knowing all this, has allowed my mind to stay open and fluid and relaxed. However, I have also been dealing with a lot of pain around my lower back that migrates from my left hip area to the upper right side of my back, excruciating pain sometimes that I assumed was mostly structural. Go to the chiropractor. Get a massage. Roll on a ball. Sit in correct alignement. All these things brought temporary relief but it was not until I made the psoas fear conenctiong that the pain truly began to dissipate.
I realized that although my mind was staying open to possible interpretationa and realities that may be available to me at the moment, my reptilian body/brain/mind was actually freaked out. Even now as I sit here writing, I can sense the my breath is high in my chest, not deepening and including my psoas. I have to make an effort to notice the holding, breathe into it, lovingly tell my primal self that I am here, aknowledging it, sensing it, not denying the fear… And as soon as I do this, I find the deep breath of release I have been looking for.
In my classes, I have been bringing in more sounding, more release work, more connection to the core because I realize I am not alone in this state of being. Using all the tools available, knowing what I am really working with, makes all the difference. Expanding that out into the world right now.
This came to me as many things do, in the shower. I am not historically a glitter kind of person.
With the holidays coming up, with the twinkling lights coming out to play, I got this urge for glitter that just felt unnatural to me.I wanted to reflect all those lights around me and to shimmer and as I dug a little deeper, was looking for some kind of fortification. I went to Kuumba’s website and ordered body glitter.
With all the world news spilling with “terrorist” attacks, shooting rampages, climate change warnings, politicians whose agenda constists of demonization of any “other”… I imagined the glitter was going to be a way for me to stay light as I keep traversing the murky unknown. But as I began wearing it, I realized that the symbol here is more than that.
I had this idea once, and maybe I read it in a book or dreamed it, that we should all wear little mirrors around our necks with a reflective surface on each side so that we can reflect back to those we meet what is theirs and take responsibility for what is ours. I realized that glitter was fulfilling this same image for me. In these days when blame is being thrown around, in this hyper-polarization around good and evil, I wanted a way to re-member myself and choose my response in a way that reminds me of how much I love to be alive.
This kind of integrity is what true health is really about for me. Body, Mind, Heart, Spirit. What comes in, what goes out. Can I be aware of that. Can I be alert to that. Glitter me up.
I came home from work the other day and there were some bad moods floating around my house. But I was like, I have my glitter on. I do not have to take that in. NPR was going on about the same stuff they were going on about this morning… I can turn it off. This thing I am about to yell at my son about, it has nothing to do with him, but with my exhaustion… keep it… or better yet, redirect it. But I do not need to give it to him. Simple moments in my life about this.
When it comes to the collective opinions flying around, I can let the glitter reflect that back too. I do not want to internalize the fear, the lies, the crap that is being flung around. I do want to take in the hope. Like I just found out that Jimmy Carter is cancer free. Now, my glitter is moving over for that one!