What embarrasses you? What are the things that you do, feel and think that you hide from others and maybe even from yourself? What are the things you definitely do not want others to know about you? I have no interesting in having you out yourself. Unless, of course you want to, and in that case, I am 100% with you. I am primarily asking these questions to help identify the shadowy self.
I have become curious about these parts of me that are ashamed, shy and obscured behind all kinds of false faces. I have become curious because I realize that around these parts of me, I do not feel my power. I feel vulnerable and weak and like a phony for wanting to keep them hidden. I am not going to share details with you, and yet I know you can tune into these places in yourself too. I do not feel the exposure to the collective light is sometimes the best way to deal with these parts. I feel we need to get to know these aspects of ourselves before we subject them to the scrutiny of those not devoted to seeing themselves in all that is. Initially, the most important thing is to admit the truth of it to ourselves. Self-declaration. And from there a step closer to freedom. What if it is okay to tell yourself? And what if, it you felt like sharing, it is okay to tell another? And what if it is okay to have the other not receive it?
All the layers of acceptance and belonging, all the ways in which we abuse and control ourselves and others, all the parts of us that are immature and impulsive… they can have a strong grip on us, especially if we deny them or project them and disown them. And that strong grip is the antithesis of freedom to me. I can feel my need to belong, a natural survival instinct and what I am willing to suppress myself to have it. I can feel my need for acceptance and what I am willing to say to be accepted. I can see how I abuse my body and my heart in order to stay safe. How I have abused others to keep the upper hand. How I behave like a baby sometimes and can’t control my urge to lash out. I do not like admitting this to myself and that is okay, I do not have to like it and I find that feeling uncomfortable can be exciting. My personal truth and reconciliation process is I hear it, I feel the way it lives in my body and then I dance it. Instead of pushing it back down and diminishing (oh, that is not so bad, everybody feels that way) or going to self-loathing and forfeiting my choice, I blow it up. I make it bigger. I feel the biggest version of the feeling and sensation I can access and I dance it. Yes, that is what I do. I move it and dance with it, literally partner with it, hold it in my awareness, feel it in my body, play with it in my mind. I find that bringing it into relationship in this way makes the power of it “out there” less and less. This is the great experiment I have undertaken. Try it. Any dance will do. It might help free up some of your shadow’s grip. And the more free you can be, the more free everyone around you can be. Letting everything and everybody off the hook one dance at a time. Goddess knows we need that on this planet.