Throw this one around for a couple of days: What happens when you stop trying to become something other than you?
What happens when YOU
Trying to become something other than
I’ll tell you what happened to me. When I first heard this, many other questions arose to meet this one. Am I trying to be something other than me? How do I stop? Who am I? What if I can’t stop? What if I die?
And here is what happened in my body. I found one of the deepest breaths ever and my heart blossomed up into my throat. And then the tears came.
I am literally exhausted with trying to be something other than what I am. And I am ready to dissolve that illusion that I can be anything more than what I am. I am not saying I cannot grow and expand and become a more aware person. What I am saying is that I am done “trying” to change and mold myself for the benefit of anyone or anything as a condition of my worth.
I have been exploring this theme in my BeSoul classes. Inviting students to dance without trying to get a workout, without trying to condition their bodies, without trying to release tension, without trying to do it right, without trying to change a state of mind or heart. What I invite them to do is to simply be to present to sensation and whatever emotions arise. The relationship between the movement and the music becomes a way to get to know ourselves.
Here is the definition of KNOW that I am using in these classes: to have developed a relationship with (someone) through meeting and spending time with them; be familiar or friendly with (in this case yourself).
“Spending time” seems to be a key here. How much time do you spend getting to know yourself versus trying to change yourself? I expand this out to my time spent with friends and family. How much time do I spend getting to know them (simply receiving them as they are) vs trying to change or help them improve? Not that one is wrong, sometimes I need help, sometime people ask for help. And then the mind and its problem solving genius come into play. As someone who identifies with “teacher” and “healer”, it comes natural to me to want to both try to be “better” and help others be “better” too.
When I first posed this inquiry to myself I was fascinated by how much better it felt to STOP trying to become something other than me. My mind got a little freaked out, yet my body… and my heart… felt so good. And when I brought this same energy to my relationships, I felt like I began seeing people in ways I never had. Expectations and judgment dropped away and I felt like I was seeing them for the first time. Free the people! Free yourself!
Not that I am trying to change you…